racingmonkey

Lindsey

steven — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:24:11 +0000

I think the e-trade commercial should have featured an emaciated baby called Lindsey Lohan, wearing a love-bug helmet, and snorting coke. A milk-a-holic baby named Lindsey is too subtle. I frankly thought, “Man, Lindsey Vonn sure does like milk and is much younger than she appeared when skiing.”

Pure Corporate Hate

steven — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 04:29:37 +0000

Why the f*ck (thats fuck) was the USA versus Canada Olympic hockey match shown only in low-def on Directv? You had Curling in high-def, but not the center stage of the Olympics? You abysmal, impotent bastards.

And don’t tell me why. Don’t feed me the PR Pablum. I don’t care about your stupid contracts, your negotiations, that you are the ‘leader’ in high-def. That you tried real hard. The 100 dollars a month I spend makes you freaking responsible for my media happiness. I expect only perfect images on my 63 inch plasma and you failed, you miserable spankers. And I know the dirty secret here: You had the nerve to send me the same bill after you killed my Indycar season when you dropped Versus – and you will surely send me the same bill for having to watch smear-o-vision hockey. And like a flubbering dolt, I will pay it, not because you are better than the other idiots, but because I am locked in and it’s a pain in the neck to switch. Re-programming all the remotes would take a week alone.

So I scream, rant, stomp my feet, and call you names: you pedestrian Troglodytes; Mullets; Butt-monkeys.

Ice Dancing

steven — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 04:06:20 +0000

It appears female ice dancers wear more mascara and they like to dress up. I know that they are cute and talented – but failed – ice skaters. Its sort of sad, but uplifting in a weird sort of way, beauty coming before talent and all. And they do dress up all fancy. Ok, maybe I don’t get it. The American’s dress up as Indians (from INDIA) while the French dress up as cowboys (from, I think, the Tenderloin District in NY). They need to fight the couples together and that would be something…

Technology Princess

steven — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:31:03 +0000

I’ve become a technology princess. I can’t watch my hockey in regular definition any longer. I’ve grown so accustomed to the clarity, I can no longer see the puck in regular def and it now merely looks like frantic, uniformed angry skaters.

My a/v unit has some Dolby superfly THX setting that allows me to hear the curse words of the Hockey fans behind me when I watch the game. It’s so lifelike, I often throw things at the fans, but just leave marks on my ceiling. Now I throw a Mr Clean Magic Eraser, which cleans the existing marks, and shuts up the abusive fans just as effectively.

Coaches

steven — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 04:37:13 +0000

Often Coaches appear mean on the outside,which doesn’t always mean they are mean on the inside. I mean, what’s mean anyway?

Weight Loss

steven — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 04:24:44 +0000

We eat until our bodies grow beyond their capacity to live. And then we work our bodies beyond their capacity to work – to shrink them to a livable capacity.